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New Yoga Study Released
A recent study has shown that if American yoga teachers read one more click-bait article about yoga they will go fucking batshit crazy. The study was conducted by Jane Tuckernot, a professor of...
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King Yoga Staff Pose Banning Meeting
KALEY OLSON, KY Studio OWner: Ahem. Thank you all for joining us. As most of you are aware, this week we changed our “yogetiquette” policies after hearing about another yoga studio’s “pose ban” going...
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Pride & Prejudice: From Selfie Porn to Selfie Sanity
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a “skinny white woman” in possession of a yoga mat and an Instagram account, must be in want of a good old-fashioned raking over the internet coals. Indeed...
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Still an Asshole
I’m afraid I’m still an asshole. Last night I had a fight with my husband– just a cyclical, once a month explosion over nothing. But for f–k’s sake, really, I can’t even tell you what it was about...
View ArticleDrunk in Love
Dear Lifebort (I mean, Lifeboard, as this post is too public for pet names): I want to thank you for reminding what it is like to be in love. Drunk in Love (not the Beyonce version, but the Ed Sheeran,...
View ArticleShe’s Kinda Hot, Though
I lost it. Pincha Mayurasana, aka forearm stand. My calling card. The pose that means more than the rest ’cause I ain’t a natural upside-downer. I’m not fond of straight lines or fear– I possess little...
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New Treatment for Yoga-Panties-in-a-Bunch Syndrome (“Yoga BS”)
I think I had BS in this pic An exciting new non-invasive therapy may offer hope for millions of people in yoga pants currently suffering from and existing as pains in the asses due to “Yoga Panties in...
View ArticleI quit Ashtanga
As if! No, I haven’t quit practicing. But I did quit a lot of what I’ve been practicing for the past few years: I quit scoring my daily practice. I quit trying to be a professional ashtangi; I even...
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Your Body is a Wonderland
“I eat whatever the fuck I want.” Perhaps I should back up a bit. Cornered at an ashtanga party (wait isn’t “ashtanga party” an oxymoron?) with “diet” thrown in my face, this seemed the most...
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Here: Practice isn’t only for when it’s perfect
Photo by Joanna Darlington, DC November 2014 Why am I here? I’m moving through sun salutations as this thought keeps popping in my head along with a bad crowd of mental fluctuations like the mean text...
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It feels like the first time: The thrill of the new in the same ol’ practice
Apparently, the experience of riding fat bikes over frozen lakes (fat-ice-backpacking, to be specific) has something in common with Ashtanga. Let me catch you up: So I’m reading Casey Lyon’s Backpacker...
View ArticleMy Practice: The All Hands (and Limbs) Meeting****
(this post is an homage to a piece Hallie Cantor wrote for the New Yorker called My Brain: The All Hands Meeting) Me: Hi everyone, thanks for coming! At this meeting I’d like us to reconnect and get...
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Call me (Maybe) Hypermobile: Hope & Worry about the Hypermobility Hype
Disclaimer: I’m a bendy (and now strong) girl but I don’t know if I qualify as “hypermobile.” I have no wish to dampen the importance or seriousness of syndromes and medical issues related to...
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Don’t Diss my Asana (Or Just Go Right Ahead)
I really really really really really really want to get to the end of the ashtanga second series. I mean, really, really, really… Really. I’m not supposed to say that. I’m supposed to say “yoga is so...
View ArticleStill, still an asshole: Bursting the social media yoga bubble
Life is not an episode of The Bachelor: A crowd of adoring females dressed for a beauty pageant waiting to woo you, to hang on your every word, to be there for “all the right reasons”– and evenings...
View ArticleDrunk in Love
Dear Lifebort (I mean, Lifeboard, as this post is too public for pet names): I want to thank you for reminding what it is like to be in love. Drunk in Love (not the Beyonce version, but the Ed Sheeran,...
View ArticleTake Your Ladies’ Holiday and Shove it
You fucking heard me. I’m so sick of hearing about “ladies’ holiday” and how we estrogen-crippled humans should rest during this time, avoid intense exercise or ashtanga, and instead do a modified...
View ArticleGuided by too many voices: How a weekend workshop slut found happy progress
“You can finish second series. You just need a guide.” John Campbell’s words ricocheted throughout my head for months. Shortly before leaving the DC area I ventured to a special practice with him and...
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When you tell me to “be myself”— you’re lying
You tell me to listen to my body, but what you mean is “listen to me. I know better than you.” You tell me to just “be myself” but what you mean is: be the person I want you to be. Be the person I...
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Never, No-How, No Fucking Way I’m Ever Doing That
I have a “No Fucking Way” list. Still, during a moment of childlike, how-far-can-I-push-the-limits-ness approximating Drumpfian proportions, I made a delightful mistake: I innocently inquired about...
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