In Boulder, a friend of mine told me about the day, a month into her life as a CorePower yoga regular, she stared at her reflection from a Warrior II and thought:
“I got this.”
As in, I got this flow. I got this yoga shit. I got this I own this I Beyonce this. I know what’s going down, I know how to flip, how to place my towel, to spit on it with my water bottle. I. GOT. THIS.
In Ashtanga Yoga, you don’t “got this.” Perhaps this is why the practice attracts some and not others.
Maybe for a moment “you got this,” and at that precise second someone will hand you a pose to remind you: No, you don’t got this. Yeah and even the stuff you get a little fancy with, you kinda got this, but oh, the more time you practice, the more you know, and then you see there’s so much you don’t got at all, down to triangle pose and breathing, oh man the breathing– yeah, still don’t got this. I’m in third series now which is just a daily little reminder, a MULTIPLE POSES SH*TSHOW REMINDER THAT I REALLY DON’T GOT THIS AND MAN WILL I EVER?
Perhaps I should clarify: I don’t got this. For a while, sure I plowed through second series into third like a kid through Christmas presents. Now I’m still trying to jump back over in tic tocs, still trying to OWN Urdhva Kukkutasana B (Ok, it’s gotten passable), but what about C and Galavasana oh my, and let’s not forget all those jump backs in primary. Face it, Jean Maire:
You never had this shit gotten.
So what to do. With Ashtanga I’ve progressed because of all the moments I didn’t “got this.” All the moments I’ve had to look at myself not getting close to this. Because in the spots you got this, we gave you stuff you didn’t got, so you could “not got this” until you got this, then you get more of stuff that you can’t “got this” and so on and so forth and yeah– I am in a real “I don’t got this” stage, and it’s good–
this is how we progress.
Also? It took a lot of not getting and then getting this to get here!
I recently watched the movie “Maiden” about the first all-female crew in the Whitbread around the world sailing race. I highly recommend it. But the most incredible, moving part of the film is when they fail to win the entire race (spoiler, sorry). As one of the crew puts it:
“There was a bigger picture than winning.”
At that moment, riding up to the finish line, boat after boat after boat came into the water to ride alongside the Maiden. At the dock, all the people came for them. The women on that boat did what they were told they could not do– and they did it well (they won two legs of the race).
So, while I may not be the first to the third series finish line, why friends in the mysore room have sped along past me, and I may not look good getting there — getting this, winning– it’s not the biggest picture. Look around–
it’s the community. It’s cheers for putting yourself in the race. the arena. It’s the help. It’s the moment you see you need it, and use that gift card to buy multiple mats so you practice tic tocs (ok maybe that’s just me). Look, the best part about finally lifting into urdhva kukkutasana A last year was the cheering section along the way until it happened. Maybe 2020 will be there year I let you into the videos of my practice failings once again so you can join me as I don’t got this–
because maybe that’s the only way we get anywhere at all.
2020: the year we don’t got this till we get it.
xoxo